


let me try

by adamantine



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Style Five, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:39:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6320452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamantine/pseuds/adamantine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru is determined to get to the bottom of why Rin is acting so weird after they kiss on stage.</p><p>A Style Five idol AU written for Day 1 of Harurintercourse using the prompts "First Time" + a little bit of "Bad/Awkward Sex."</p>
            </blockquote>





	let me try

The screams and cheers of the audience became muffled as the platform Haru and Rin stood on descended under the stage. Haru wiped away the sweat pooling at his temples. Dancing exhausted him. He liked to sing—that was the reason he became an idol. That had been naive of him. Singing was the lowest priority. Being an idol was about appearances.

The platform finished its descent. “Water,” Haru croaked. In an instant someone handed him a bottle of water. He gulped it down in record speed and tossed the empty bottle in a recycling bin.

He made his way to the dressing room he shared with the rest of Style Five. That was another thing Haru hated about being an idol — changing clothes during a performance. Why did he have to wear a military jacket for one song and a white vest for another? What did it matter?

Rin was waiting for him in the hallway, a radiant smile on his face. “That was amazing. I think that’s the best we’ve ever sounded.”

Haru and Rin’s mini album had topped the charts for weeks so it was no surprise they’d been asked to start performing songs from it during concerts. Tonight’s concert had been the first time they’d sang together in front of a live audience. It was a strange experience. Rin took energy from the crowd. He was always at his best with an audience. Haru loved performing but for him it was less about the fans than it was the challenge of singing live that he loved. Somehow it was like both facets of their personalities had combined as they sang. Haru could feel the energy Rin took from every cheering fan and it had pushed him to sing better than he’d ever sang before. Not to be outdone Rin matched him, bringing emotion to Haru’s technical perfection.

Haru’s head was still buzzing from it as they changed into their next outfits with the help of their wardrobe staff. Haru had long gotten used to changing in front of strangers. Above them somewhere Nagisa was parading around, singing a song from his solo album. Makoto and Rei had been in charge of introducing him were probably getting their makeup retouched as Haru and Rin changed.

A makeup artist dusted Haru’s nose with powder while a wardrobe staff member adjusted his jacket. A hair stylist was working on Rin’s hair nearby. Rin's hair always needed to be fixed up in-between sets. It grew too wild from sweat and movement. In minutes they were back on the platform, being taken up upstage—this time with Makoto and Rei.

The bass thumped. A loud electronic beat started up. But it was almost all drowned out by the sound of hundreds of screaming girls. Rin flashed him a bright grin and went to take his place on stage. Haru stared after him for a moment too long, an indescribable feeling in his chest. He was late getting into position—though he doubted anyone could tell.

He danced, thankful he didn’t have to fake a smile. The rarity of his smiles was one of his charm points as an idol. It was out of character for Haru-the-idol to smile. Rin was smiling though—a real smile. It wasn’t always that way. Rin was professional enough to smile when it was expected of him, even when he didn’t feel like smiling at all. Haru had found that annoying at first. He admired it now.

Rin danced near him until they faced each other. This was Haru’s favorite part of the choreography. This moment where Rin’s smile was only for him.

Haru moved in without thinking and kissed him.

Immediately, the screaming increased tenfold. It wasn’t unusual for a kiss between members of idol groups to be shared onstage. In Style Five Nagisa had kissed every single one of them at some point. It didn’t mean anything. Haru liked Nagisa a lot—he would have quit being an idol years ago if Nagisa hadn’t been there during training, brightening up his day—but kissing Nagisa didn’t feel any different from shaking hands with him. He’d half-expected kissing Rin would feel the same. The other half already knew it wouldn’t.

After Nagisa, Rin was the second most frequent kisser of their group. He tended to go more for cheek kisses but on occasion he delivered a spectacular kiss to the delight of the screaming audience. He’d kissed everyone in the group at some point—everyone but Haru. Not even on the cheek. It was strange now that Haru thought of it. Rin was affectionate in every other way—hugging him, resting his arm on his shoulder, even holding his hand—but he’d never kissed him.

His eyes went wide when Haru grabbed him to smash their faces together. Because that’s what it was—an ungraceful smashing of faces, not a proper kiss—at least at first. Haru, in a desperation he didn’t understand, kept going until Rin responded, kissing him back, his eyes fluttering closed. His lips parted. Haru took advantage of the moment to add his tongue. There was a roaring sound in his ears. A fire? Fire wasn’t sound. Screams. Those were screams. He finally remembered where they were. Rin’s face was bright red. Haru danced away from him, keeping his face impassive as he scrambled to reach his next cue. Rin was one beat behind the rest of the song.

The rest of the concert went by in a blur. He felt slightly queasy, like the night before an audition—a feeling he hadn’t had in years. It was a nervousness, a tension in his stomach. He wanted to kiss Rin again. A bizarre thought. He never thought about wanting to kiss Nagisa again. But then, kissing Nagisa didn’t make him feel like he was being turned inside out. Though why he _liked_ that feeling and wanted it to continue—well, he didn’t have the answer to that.

In Tokyo all five of them lived in a sort of dormitory together. Each of them had their own bedroom but everything else was communal. They weren’t in Tokyo today, but in Osaka on tour. Booking a room for each of them at their hotel was a waste of money. There were two rooms with three beds between them. They drew straws to decide who went where. Nagisa was in the double room, getting a bed to himself, while Makoto and Rei got to squeeze in together in the bed next to him. Haru would have felt sorry for them if that hadn’t meant he was sharing a room _and bed_ alone with Rin.

No one had mentioned their kiss. He could tell Makoto wanted to ask him about it but he didn’t give Makoto the chance to talk to him alone. Nagisa and Rei likely had taken it as part of the performance, nothing more. They might not even have realized it was Haru who had kissed Rin—their backs had been turned—and since Rin sometimes kissed them they’d probably thought that’s what had happened. While Rin seemed to be taking the route of pretending it never happened. Which was fine by Haru—he didn’t want to talk about why he’d kissed Rin—but it also wasn’t fine by him at all. Would it have killed Rin to say something like “You’re a great kisser, Haru!” or “Let’s do that again sometime!”? It put him in a sullen mood.

They took turns showering. When Haru was done, his every fingertip pruned to perfection, Rin was already in bed pretending to be asleep. Haru could tell he was pretending because of the tension in his shoulders. Rin probably had no idea how relaxed he looked when he was truly sleeping.

Haru crawled into bed beside him. He shivered. The hotel room was cold, especially after being in the steam filled bathroom for so long. He moved closer to Rin, craving his body heat. Rin inched away from him. Haru sighed.

“I know you’re awake.”

“Hmm?” Rin yawned, trying to pretend as if Haru’s words had woken him up. Haru kicked him. “Ow! Fine, I’m awake. What is it?”

“Come closer.” Haru pat the empty space between them. “It’s cold.”

Rin brushed off his offer. “I’m fine right here. Maybe you should put a sweater on.”

So that’s how it was going to be, huh?

“Wha—“ Rin made a panicked sound as Haru scooted closer to him. “What are you doing?”

“Warming up.” He leaned into Rin’s neck and inhaled his scent. They’d used the same standard hotel shampoo but somehow it smelled differently on Rin. His grip on Rin instinctively tightened.

“Did you just smell me?” Haru ignored him and took a stronger whiff of Rin’s neck. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You smell good, Rin. I think it might be your sweat. You didn’t completely wash it off.”

Rin made a noise that reminded Haru of the squeaker toy his dog Makkou used to play with. “What the fuck, Haru?” He thrashed in Haru’s arms, elbowing him. “Let go of me. I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

Haru held on to him higher, ignoring the pain near his ribs where Rin’s bony elbow had jabbed him. “No. It’s cold. Stop being weird. Your sweat smells good, it’s not a big deal.”

Rin made another garbled sound, this time reminding Haru of when a bus had run over Makkou’s squeaker toy. “Me? _I’m_ being weird? You can’t just fucking tell someone their sweat smells good. It’s creepy.” He struggled some more trying to escape Haru’s clutches but they were too well matched in strength. Neither of them could overcome the other, and a tie was in Haru’s favor.

“Stop fidgeting. What’s with you today? Why are you trying to sleep on the side of the bed instead of hogging the middle like you usually do?”

Rin stopped squirming. “I was trying to be polite.”

“You’ve never cared about being polite before. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve woken up to you treating me like your own personal body pillow.”

In the faint light coming through the curtains, Haru could see Rin’s ears turn red.

“Shut up. Please let me go. If you want to stay friends with me, you’ll let me go.”

Haru was taken aback by his tone. It sounded like he was on the verge of tears. Haru hadn’t meant to tease him that much. He’d responded to Rin’s avoidance of him in the most childish way possible.

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. He untangled himself from Rin.

Rin got up. He was breathing hard and his face was flushed. His hands shook as he went to grab a pillow.

“Here.” Haru handed him a blanket. Their hands touched and Rin recoiled from the contact as if Haru had slapped him.

“I don’t need a blanket.” He practically tripped over himself to get to the couch.

“What? It’s freezing in here.” Haru got up to take the blanket to him. He couldn’t imagine how Rin could sleep in this cold air without it.

Rin let out a small yelp when Haru covered him with it. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you don’t catch a cold.” Haru flicked his forehead for good measure.

“Stop being so nice to me,” Rin murmured, closing his eyes.

“Why?” That was a strange request.

“It’ll give me the wrong idea.”

Haru frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rin cringed. “Nothing. Forget I said it.” Haru pinched his nose. “Hey! What was that for?”

“Stop that. Stop shutting me out. You’ve been acting weird since we kissed. If I’d known this would happen I wouldn’t have done it.”

Rin covered his eyes and laughed. “Figures. Go to sleep Haru. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“No.” Haru knew they wouldn’t. Rin would just brush it to the side forever, or make something up. “Tell me.”

Rin went silent long enough that Haru wondered if he had fallen asleep. “Do you really want to know?” he finally asked.

Haru nodded, but Rin still was still covering his eyes. “Yes,” Haru said.

“Fine. If you don’t want to be friends anymore after this, I get it. But please don’t make me leave the group. Can you promise me that? That you can act professionally around me at least?”

Haru couldn’t imagine anything making him not want to be friends with Rin anymore, let alone make him ask Rin to quit the group. The thought alone of Rin leaving made him anxious. “I promise.”

Rin took a deep breath like he was steadying himself. “I’m gay, Haru.”

“Okay.” Silence stretched between them as he waited for Rin to continue.

“I like men.”

“Yeah, I got that.” He was still waiting for Rin’s bombshell. When the silence began to stretch on again it finally occurred to him that was it.

“Well?” Rin watched him, searching for a reaction to his revelation.

“‘Well’ what?” Haru had to admit he was surprised, but he was surprised in a way he would have been if Rin had announced he was buying a new car. It was brand new information to him, sure, but it wasn’t particularly shocking or distressing. He had no idea why Rin thought it would bother him. Rin liking meat more than fish was something that bothered him, not this.

“Well, that’s why you shouldn’t kiss me onstage again for starters.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears again.

“But you kiss everyone else in the group. You kissed Makoto onstage last week.” Annoyance slipped into his voice. He didn’t understand what Rin was trying to say and why it seemed like it made him want to cry. Was kissing Haru that horrible? Well so sorry, he didn’t have _that_ much practice. And how could he improve if Rin was so against it? He didn’t want to practice with someone else. It would be terribly inefficient when who he wanted to practice _for_ was Rin in the first place.

“That’s different. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I feel something kissing any man in the world. That’s not how it works.” Rin stared at the ceiling, exasperated. “It’s just play-acting for the fans.”

“Why is it different with me then?”

Rin groaned. “Because it just is.” He turned his back to Haru. “Just go to sleep already.”

“No. Explain yourself.” Haru knew if he dropped the subject now Rin would never open himself to him like this again.

“You can’t make this easy for me, huh.” He turned onto his back and stared up at Haru in almost a challenge. “You can’t just kiss me, or hold on to me while we sleep, or say stupid things about how I smell good, because I like it too much. Happy?”

“Oh.” The strange queasy feeling from earlier was back. “I am.”

“Huh?” Rin’s expression turned to confusion.

“I’m happy.” Haru poked at the angry lines forming between Rin’s brows.

“That was rhetorical.” Rin tried to push Haru away but Haru caught his hand and held it in his own.

“Come back to bed with me, Rin.” He pulled Rin up.

“Weren’t you listening to me?” Rin’s blanket fell to the floor. “Look, it’s great that it doesn’t bother you to sleep with me. It really is. Not everyone would feel that way. But when it’s coming from you it messes me up.”

“I was listening. You like me.” Rin had the gall to look shocked that he’d been found out. “I think I like you too. So come back to bed with me.”

Rin turned bright red. “What? Don’t be stupid, you don’t like me. You’re not gay.”

“How would you know? I might be.” Haru didn’t like someone telling him what he was or wasn’t.

“Do you see men and want to fuck them? Or be fucked by them? Do you jack off to men? No? Then you’re not gay. Or bi.” Rin was being crude on purpose, hoping to repel Haru, to even repulse him. It did nothing of the sort. Instead a terrible jealousy rushed through Haru as he pictured Rin with some unknown man. He didn't like that at all. He didn't want anyone else to ever touch Rin. He knew he was being unfair and irrational but knowing that couldn't stop him from feeling like he might die if he ever saw Rin with another man.

“Maybe I didn’t realize it until now. But I do know I want to touch you.” He was still holding Rin’s hand in fact, and he didn’t particularly feel like letting go.

“That’s just human nature. You’re curious about me now that I’ve told you I like men and you want to see if you do too. But I’m sorry, my heart can’t handle that. Find someone else to experiment with.” He shook Haru’s hand off and fished the blanket from the floor.

“It’s not an experiment.” said Haru. “I already know. Kissing you wasn’t like kissing the others.” He pulled Rin up until they were standing face to face. “You said it yourself—I don’t always have to feel something. It’s enough if it’s just you.”

This close to each other Haru could feel the two centimeters Rin had on him. He had to stretch up a bit—only the tiniest fraction of distance but it was enough to annoy the competitive side of him—to reach Rin’s lips.

He closed his eyes. His stomach was fluttering again—their kiss earlier had definitely not been a fluke.

“Rin.” Their foreheads pressed together. “I want to do more than just kiss you.” Explaining his feelings for Rin with words was hard for him; they made so much more sense as actions. When they’d first met Rin had made him grit his teeth and see red—that was anger and jealously at finding someone whose voice could keep up with his. Getting to know Rin had him feel warm and lightheaded—that was happiness. And now, kissing Rin, his stomach fluttered in a way he couldn’t get enough of—that was attraction.

Rin nodded against him. “Okay,” he said. “I’m probably going to regret this but, okay.”

Haru didn’t try to reassure him. He didn’t see the point. Rin was wrong and he would know it soon enough.

They made it back to the bed. They fumbled around in the dark. Touching and kissing Rin at the same time was more difficult than he’d anticipated. His brain wasn’t quite cooperating—he kept focusing too much on one sensation and that made him sloppy with everything else. Rin wasn’t doing much better. Instead of making him feel good Haru’s attention was only making him more and more tense.

“Ow,” Haru said. Rin had bit his tongue.

“Sorry.” Rin looked more upset than the situation warranted.

“It’s fine.” Haru kissed the space between his brows and moved down. Rin needed to relax. It wasn’t going to happen as long as he remained convinced Haru was going to bolt away from him in regret at any second.

“What are you doing?” Rin hissed.

“You ask that a lot,” Haru said as he pulled down Rin’s pants.

Rin wasn’t quite hard but Haru was sure he could do something about that. He licked the tip of Rin’s cock experimentally. Rin yelped.

“You can’t just—warn me first!” Rin covered his eyes.

Haru pried his hands away. He wanted Rin to see him. He wanted to watch Rin. “Rin, I’m going to suck you off, okay?”

Rin’s face was on fire as he nodded.

“Rin, relax.” At least Rin didn’t seem hesitant, just embarrassed.

Haru gave Rin’s cock another experimental lick. Rin pursed his lips. Haru didn’t take his eyes off of him as he continued his licking. It didn’t take long for Rin to get hard. Some of the tension eased from him. He seemed to accept Haru wasn’t about to run away. Haru licked the entire length of his shaft, studying his reactions. A small shudder. He focused back on the tip, kissing it, licking it before taking it into his mouth. Rin thrust into him, startling him.

“Sorry,” Rin said, flustered.

“It’s okay.” It had caught him off guard but he was pleased he’d managed to pull such a strong reaction from Rin.

He took him in further, testing his limits. Finally certain he wasn’t going to gag, he bobbed his head up and down and sucked Rin off.

“Haru,” Rin called his name softly. He was breathing hard, as though he was in the middle of a tricky dance number. Haru wasn’t quite sure how fast he should move. Rin seemed to react to _everything_. He tangled his fingers in Haru’s hair, pulling the strands and then releasing them. Haru wasn’t sure if he was trying to guide him or if they were simply reactions. He had closed his eyes.

“Haru…” Rin moved his hips, thrust into Haru’s mouth, but carefully this time, not forceful. Haru could taste him. His own cock was straining against his pants. He hadn’t expected to feel so turned on just from sucking Rin off, but there it was. Undeniable proof he was enjoying himself watching Rin lose control.

“Haru, I’m gonna come.” Rin opened eyes and tried to push him away, but he refused to budge. He wanted to taste more of Rin. He wanted to feel it when Rin came.

Rin shuddered, his face contorting with pleasure, and came. Even prepared for it, it took Haru by surprise and he didn’t quite manage to stay in place. Rin’s come dribbled down his mouth.

“I’ll grab a tissue for you,” Rin struggled to sit up. He was weak. It was easy for Haru to push him down. He looked Rin in the eye and swallowed. The look on Rin’s face was priceless. Haru couldn’t keep himself from smirking.

“No need.” He licked his lips.

“Haru,” Rin whined, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I wanted to.” He straddled Rin’s leg and kissed him, grinding down on him as he did.

“You’re really hard,” Rin said, a note of disbelief in his voice.

“Of course I am,” Haru said, annoyed. He didn’t have the patience for Rin’s surprise.

“Oh.” Rin’s face scrunched up like he was going to cry. Haru bit the skin under his neck, not hard enough to draw blood, but much too hard for a love bite. “Ow! What was that for?”

“To give you something it makes sense to cry about. Not me being hard.” Why wasn’t Rin taking his pants off yet? Did he have to do everything himself?

“I’m not crying! I’m just… happy.” He reached out to touch Haru’s face.

Haru closed his eyes. Rin’s fingers, calloused from playing guitar, brushed against his skin. He loved Rin’s fingers. With them he made music, not the kind of modern pop songs they sang as idols, but the songs of Haru’s childhood. He could still remember the day he’d first heard Rin strumming out an old Enka song on his guitar. It was a song his grandmother had loved. Hearing it brought back memories. He hadn’t been able to help himself—he’d started singing along to Rin’s playing. “You have a beautiful voice,” Rin had told him afterwards, staring at him in awe. After that, Rin had wormed his way into his heart until he’d become an irreplaceable part of Haru’s life.

“Can I?” Rin reached between his legs. Even through his pajamas, the feeling of someone else touching him was a lot to handle. He understood now why Rin had yelped at his sudden lick.

“Yeah,” Haru grunted. Rin sat up while Haru quickly stripped off his pants. He didn’t feel like waiting for Rin to take his time anymore. They sat facing each other, their distance too far and too close all at once. Rin reached out tentatively, as if still expecting Haru to rebuke him. When he didn't, Rin grabbed his cock, gripping it tightly, and began to jerk him off. He had to lean against Rin for support, closing the distance between them. The smell of the hotel shampoo had almost been completely taken over by Rin’s unique scent. He really, really, loved Rin’s fingers.

“Rin.” He sucked on Rin’s skin, biting down to leave a mark. It crossed his mind belatedly that they had another concert tomorrow. Oh well, he thought without regret, everyone would know Rin was taken now. “Rin, don’t kiss anyone but me anymore.”

Rin snorted. “Sure, sure.”

“I’m serious. Don’t let even Nagisa kiss you.”

“I don’t think that’s up to me,” he joked.

“ _Rin_ ,” he whined, “promise me.”

“I promise. But I thought I told you already, it only means something when it’s you.”

Haru tensed. Rin’s words had reverberated somewhere deep inside him. Rin jerked his hand down hard. “Rin, I’m going to—” He came before being able to finish his warning.

When it was over he slumped against Rin to catch his breath. He knew now how to put his feelings into words.

“Rin, I love you.” His strength was returning. He was able to sit up without support.

It didn’t surprise him to see Rin was about ready to cry. Rin was so connected to his emotions, quick to change his mood, always feelings everything. Haru loved that about him. It was why it was so easy for him to tell when Rin’s smiles were fake.

“Yeah.” Rin fought back the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “Me too.” Haru wondered what they would taste like.

He pushed Rin down with a loud thump. “I want to do it again.”

“What?” Rin asked as Haru pulled his shirt off.

“I think I can manage a better handjob than you did.” Haru tossed his shirt off more aggressively than he’d meant to. He could already feel himself growing hard at the thought of getting Rin off.

“Hey!” Rin’s abs were well-defined—the product of countless hours spent dancing. Haru traced patterns on them. “Your blowjob? Yeah, I can do better,” he said lamely.

Haru smirked at his weak taunt. “Really? We’ll see about that.”

“You’re on.” His eyes twinkled as he pounced on Haru, flipping them over in a tangle of giggles.

 

* * *

 

Haru reached out in his sleep and smacked a pile of hair. “Mmm,” the hair said, groaning, waking him up.

“What time is it?” Haru asked. The clock was next to his side of the bed but he couldn’t manage to open his eyes for more than a few seconds.

“One o’clock. I texted Makoto earlier. Told him we didn’t sleep well so we're staying in.” Good, they didn’t need to leave the hotel anytime soon. Usually before a concert the five of them would go around and explore a bit. Oh well, Haru thought.

He rolled over and kissed Rin. They both looked like they'd spent the entire night having sex. Which of course was true, but it definitely wasn’t a look they could rock to the concert—or could they? No, Haru decided, he didn’t want anyone else seeing Rin like this.

“Do you want to get dressed?” Rin asked.

“Nope.” They were both getting good at this kissing thing.

Haru’s stomach growled.

“I think we should order room service at least,” Rin said.

Haru sighed. “Fine.” He gave Rin one last kiss before grabbing the phone.

They made out leisurely in their bathrobes as they waited for their food to arrive. Warm happiness filled him, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. He wanted to stay like this forever. He felt like singing but he didn’t have the right song yet. That was a strange thought. He’d never composed a song before. But he wanted to write something to sing with Rin, just for the two of them, no one else.

Their food came and they ate in bed, watching some silly drama on TV. He was still eating when Rin leaned against his shoulder and fell asleep. Haru smiled. He would have to wake Rin up soon—they had a concert to get ready for after all—but for now he’d let Rin sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I used Future Fish lyrics for the title, lol. To be fair, I listened to it a million times while writing some parts of this.


End file.
